Busy

I made a promise that I would try to keep up with this blog more so than the other one, but life is BUSY! I used to love a busy life. I was able to juggle and manage pretty well. Then I learned how to say NO. I began to simplify my life radically. It was not easy by any means. I wanted to fill it so I wouldn’t be left to sit or rest. I really didn’t even know how to rest if I was truly honest. And if I rested or sat, I might begin to think and feel things I didn’t want to. Then I decided life needed to be different. I began to feel and allow things in. I didn’t have the busyness to distract me from those thoughts or feelings. It was hard and good all at the same time. But now, I have made that the norm. So when there are more than 2 things on my plate I begin to feel overwhelmed. These boys (cute as they are) express exactly all the emotions I feel. The other morning I just let out a yell because I needed to.
I begin to feel that God is not present. I begin to feel like I am drowning in life. One thing after another begins to weigh me down. My head knows that the trials are nothing in comparison to what the rest of the world feels, but they are real to me. I begin to believe that truly God has left me to fend for myself. He has bigger issues to deal with like ending slavery or protecting those who are being persecuted. All of this is a lie. God is Immanuel…God with us. I was desperately trying to cling to this on the way home the other night after I had wrecked our one and only car. I was upset and mad about the whole thing. Questions were popping in my head like “Why? Where are you? Don’t you are about me?” Funny enough, a song, came on. The words were:
And I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”

And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
(Praise You in the Storm by Casting Crown)

I was amazed that God was reminding me He was there. I didn’t really feel it, but I began to have faith that He was there. Faith can go a long way. So is my van miraculously fixed? No, but God provided a vehicle for us to use in the mean time. Is life going to get any less crazy? No, but He is here, walking with me. Helping me to go forward one step at a time.

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One Response to Busy

  1. Eleanor says:

    I have felt like this so many times. U put it so well. It does get frustrating sometimes but God talks to us in ways only we understand to let us know he is there for us.

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