The Myth of Control

Recently my husband, Adam, preached a message at our church. One of his main points was that any type of control we think we have is a myth. I was immediately reminded of this moment. #1 and #2 were at camp and I had taken #3 and #4 to the beach. They were standing in the water taunting the waves. “You can’t get me!” they screamed. I laughed because the very next moment a wave came and literally knocked their legs out from under them. God whispered to me, “that’s you. You scream at life and tell it that you can take it on, but you can’t. You need me and you need to start realizing it sooner.”   IMG_4611How I crave control! I want to know that if I do A, B, and C my boys will be amazing Godly men who will do no wrong. I want to determine my steps by laying down a formula that I think God desires or wants so that good things happen. I strive and work to make life happen the way I think it should. I long for Shalom and think I can create it on my own.

Then life knocks my feet out from under me. It doesn’t have to be big earth shattering wave, but just enough so that I am aware that I am not in control. So what do I do then? Often I work hard at putting life back in order so that “control” is maintained, but what I should and need to do is release the control I think I have, acknowledge that God is and pray.

Seems like an easy thing to do, but I am finding it so hard to open surrendered hands and allow life to go on out of my “control”. My boys are going to mess up (they are human). My husband is going to mess up (he is human). I am going to mess up, let people down, and be a big fat sinner. (I am human). My hope is that in those moments I will come back to this place of complete surrender and allow God to be in control. Shalom (peace/the way things ought to be) will come and is coming, but I am not the one to make it happen.

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2 Responses to The Myth of Control

  1. Karen Erickson says:

    I love you!!! You’re a younger, nicer, better version of myself in so many ways! You do a much better job at everything than I ever did at your age but that’s not why I love you! I love you because you love! Of coarse you’re not perfect at it none of us can be. Jesus is the only one that gets to be Jesus, but you strive for love. When you don’t want to you choose love and grace and those things cover a multitude of sin! What does Paul say in Romans 5 I think??? Something about doing things he doesn’t want do and not doing things he wNts to do.. Something about being a wretched sinner. Maybe that’s not even the right passage but it’s in Romans somewhere… Anywho, in my old age after a crap load of hard work and Splankna I am FINALLY beginning to wrap my head around learning the unforced rhythms of grace. I’m hoping you get there quicker thAn me. This knowing feeling that I am loved right where I’m at is shalom and you deserve it.

  2. mom says:

    Beautiful sentiment and very challenging to do. I pray that as you (and I) release our perceived version of control, that Jesus will grab our empty and open hands and gently lead us closer.

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